She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
