you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
