Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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