worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
