i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
this is an emotional support booty call
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
