Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
