What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
