i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
