So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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