I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
