he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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