He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
