Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
