yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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