it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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