So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
