It's Friday. Sex?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
