I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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