I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Randomize
