I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
