THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
