She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
