So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
