Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
