You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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