The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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