What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
