He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
