Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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