theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
