you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
