4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
