I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
