haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
