i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
