mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
