The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I met the friendliest cop last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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