If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
