there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
