there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
