I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
