In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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