He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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