i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
