You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
