She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
