best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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