Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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