New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
