I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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