So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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