There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
