We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
