the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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