I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
