I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
