can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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