My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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