You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
