I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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