Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
