It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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