Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
