Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
