i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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