I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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