Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
