I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
