even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
