I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
