i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
