he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
