dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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