nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
