there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
