so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
