we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are my feet made of real feet?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
