I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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