And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
